Sick day, that means topics like: BEARDS!!!! and some s*** about bad TV

You know how being sick sucks?
Yeah I bet you do.
Your body is fighting an inner battle with some kind of virus or other badass stuff, so you shut down for a while and it hurts to move and speak about complicated stuff like space, maths, elves, bears, whales and other wonderful stuff that I am sure that everybody else loves. The battle going on inside you is like taken out from one of the intense scenes in all the Vietnam war movies or LOTR, so your body just can’t concentrate on anything else.
When this happens to me I also tend to fall into a deep depression, which is followed by self-pity, as though I’ve just been diagnosed with some kind of life threatening disease, and my mum gets really frustrated with me and tells me to man up, which makes it even worse, and I end up in my bed for days without moving and I curse everybody for not understanding my pain and the horrors my body is experiencing.
This then ends up with me watching everything on the TV, which tends to be a load of crap that is not doing anyone any good. Unfortunately for me last time I was going through this awful deseace, called the flu, sounds like it is just a little thing, but it is not! I imagine it to be almost as bad as childbirth, and I think many men will agree with me on this one. Anyway, there was Gossip Girl marathon on one of the channels, and the remote was like at least three meters away from me, and in that moment my body was almost losing the war against all the evil viruses and I just couldn’t move. It had NOTHING to do with me wanting to watch this program. But it ended up that way. I got sucked into it, I just sat there like in some kind of trance, unable to move, and unable to think. Which makes Gossip Girl really easy to watch, because when you’re in a state where you’re not able to think or move, it is quite a good series to watch.
As the day went by, my body started to win the epic battle that was going on inside me, I see it like the scene in LOTR where Gandalf comes on a white horse and saves the day. Eventually my brain slowly started to work and I realized what was going on in this series, and I began to angrily find huge, gaping holes in the terrible story lines.
So I made this, which I call, the Big Black Holes In Gossip Girl’s Plot:

• How do you get cake so fast? I mean, every time you have a last minute party, which is like every episode, you get the best cakes ever, and there’s more than one, it is like hundreds of cakes, just on a last minute call to the baker? Is he a magician this baker? Does he poop them out? How does it even work?
• And why is it that when you call someone they pick up on the first ring? Are they all just sitting by the phone constantly and waiting for a call about a new massive upper east side Manhattan scheme?
• And why is it when you hang up, or leave the room, you never say goodbye to each other? You just leave the other one hanging there like a massive creep. Like, are you trying to make an awkward situation on purpose here? Have you rich people got no manners?

I found myself sitting there shouting at the TV, and then I realized, I just love sitting and hating this don’t I? You massive weirdo, I thought to myself…
But before I end this horrible blog post I just have to say one more thing about this show that I really hate: Why does nobody have a beard?!
I LOVE beards! And I am sure that if there were more beards in this show I would have maybe liked it a little more.
So I am not making this blog about Gossip Girl and the big black holes in their stupid rich lives, this is going to be about beards. Every male should have one… why?
Here are some examples:


Here is one of the guys in Gossip Girl:

Is he lame or not?!

But look at this:

YEEAH! Suddenly I like him!

* It makes you look more wild and mysterious, and it looks like you know how to chop wood.

* It can also make you look smarter like our favorite author in Norway, Henrik Ibsen, photo here:

Doesn't he look smart?!
*It is manly, it well with all kinds of clothes and makes your face look bigger than it really is.
* Girls don’t want to kiss some smoothed faced pretty boy. We want a man with a beard that looks like he can uphold an intelligent conversation, build things, and fight a bear if necessary  

So I want to make a Beard Awareness Day, you know like we have Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Secretary Days and a lot of other highly important days? We should have one for beards as well. People need to know that beards are highly necessary for the world to have. This is very important you guys, so here is a photo for you:

So step up to everyone! FIGHT FOR BEARDS, like my awesome white blood cells fought bravely for me today, and you know what? They won! Cause they’re winners! So be a winner and let that Beard grow out. 


Here are some guys that we all love, because of their beards, and to show you how important it is to have a beard I have made a little montage of pictures to prove my point: 


Ryan Gosling:
Without a beard: Meh....

With beard: YEAH!

Robert Downey Jr.

Without beard: Meh...

With beard: YEAH!!! 

Edward Norton.

Without a beard: Meh...

With beard: HELL YEAH

And to prove my point even more, here is me with a beard:

YEAH!! WINNING! 

Hope you all see how important beards are! 

xoxo

Why it is hard when your Parent is a Psychologist..

The Evil truth about Hamsters: Be aware, this will blow your mind!

Hamsters: those cute little things that you keep in your room in cages. You can take them out and play with them and you never have to think about them ever doing any harm. This is what I thought too, so don’t be embarrassed, I was a fool like you all.

It was a beautiful spring day in May, I was probably around 11 years old, the time where all girls start to harass their parents about cute little things they can have in cages. Who hasn’t heard this phrase (or said it): “I promise, I will clean the cage, just please give me one!”
I did, and I won the battle - my mum stupidly gave into my request for a hamster and we went to the pet store to get one. But when we arrived the hamsters all lived together and the woman that worked there assured us that they would feel lonely if we didn’t take at least two (that evil monster of a saleswoman, if I ever meet her again I will give her a piece of my mind). So there we left, I was so overly happy and assured that my hamsters would live a happy ever after life. And since they where both girls we would never have to worry about babies.

The thing that makes Hamsters monsters rule # 1:
Even if the evil sales woman assure you they are both girls, you can never know, because they can apparently hide their real gender really well. And just a couple of weeks later you have at least doubled your amount of Hamsters.

The thing that makes Hamsters monsters rule # 2:
You now have to take care of at least four hamsters, and get a new cage, which makes the job you promised your mom in the first place pretty hard to uphold!

The thing that makes Hamsters monsters rule # 3:
You might not know that these little babies mature really REALLY quickly, and then the father of the original babies makes more babies with his previous babies. This results in tiny hamsters that are riddled with incest, and never mature and just lay there without ever getting hair or growing. So in the end your mum has to flush them in the toilet, or get rid of them in some other traumatic way.

Now that you have learned all there is to be aware of , I can tell you the worst of all worst things that happened to me.
I had now separated all of the hamsters except two that were together in a cage because they seemed to get on really well. One day when I was going to school I looked down on them and they where playing “you are it”, with one running after the other all over the cage. It made me smile and laugh and I went of to school thinking that now my troubles where finally over. I was wrong. I came home, did my homework, ate my dinner and then went up to my room to check on my little sweethearts. What I stumbled upon was like the bloodiest CSI crime scene you can ever imagine! The truth was, they where certainly not playing when I left them in the morning. Apparently one of them was actually running for his life! The other hamster had been running around biting the other, until it was too tired to keep going. And the bloodthirsty bastard killer had not stopped there. It had start eating the other poor hamster from its back, pulling out its insides and spreading them all over the cage. I was devastated, I looked with great fear in my eyes at my bloodthirsty psycho killer hamster, and it looked back at me, and I could see he was happy with his sick gruesome cannibalistic work. That is when I really realized: Hamsters are EVIL. Pure evil, sent from the Devil himself. No animal that is supposed to eat only vegetation eats it’s own friend, when he has loads of food and water. This is just evil, nothing else.

Since then I have always expressed my feelings for hamsters in a negative way, and swore from that day that I would never come near one again.
It was therefore not a good surprise when my sister (again the same age), came home with one. I told her my horrible experience with these gruesome, horrible animals, but she said as long as it was alone and got loads of attention it would be fine. But my sister is away at her fathers every other week, and that makes it very hard, cause then it is up to me or my mum to give it food and other supplies. It went well until the week my mum went away and me and hamster where alone in the house. I went and walked around the cage for ages, cursing the little bastard for even existing. Then I looked at it, and as you know, these bloodthirsty cannibals are really cute to look at, example here:

But really I know, that when we look away they really are something like this: 

But good hearted as I am, I started thinking: Maybe I should give this one a change? It looks nice enough..
I walked to the cage and opened it, as soon as it came out of its little house I quickly changed my mind. I will not be able to play with this animal, or cuddle with it. There are just too many memories(just see picture above and you will know what I am talking about). So I sat down, and as usual when I sit down my brain finally start to think, and I found a solution to the problem, so I did not have to even get the hamster out of it’s cage, but still keep it company: